20091130
11:31 – Oddly good weekend. The en-double-g-zee's turkey was A-W-Awesome. Ate too much, but no worries there.
Saturday became a lazy day. Didn't know anything. Just watched Transformers 2 again. Surprisingly better the second time around. Doesn't take away from the fact it still sucks.
Finished the week with watching the
11:49 – I downloaded the entire works of Edgar Allan Poe last night. It should keep me entertained on slow days since I'll be reading it on my computer and from afar will look like work. Hooray for laziness.
11:57 – You know what I hate? How freaking pop-clingy Maria José's music is. It would go great with this only replace "Pandora" with "iTunes" and "deeply embarrassing music" with "deeply embarrassing guilty pleasures".
12:14 – I just got a reminder of how big a douchebag I really am. I was told when the office Christmas party is going to be. For a long moment there I thought it fell on the same day as my 10 year High School reunion. I was happy because I thought I'd be able to use both events as an excuse to not go to either.
Yes, I'm a douche.
13:02 – 24 minutes and 16 seconds into "The Rite of Spring" by Igor Stravinsky. No extra comment, just wanted to mention it.
13:48 – Fast lunch. Shift managers aren't here to welcome the new hires hitting the floor today and they're all asking me who their sups are going to be. I need to find that shit out, where they keep that info, just in case it happens again.
16:04 – The day melted away. Between shit I actually had to do and a more effective way of wasting time I've managed to waste an entire day. It's almost time to bounce and prepare for MNF.
16:10 – I've probably mentioned this many times before, but it seems to be a recurring theme with me. That theme is my lack of ability to finish anything. Most notably shit I write. I get an idea and start scribbling shit down. But the minute I get to word 3 thousand or so my mind starts waning. I stop paying attention. I stop caring about the story. Anything longer than 3 thousand words is too much commitment for me and I can't seem to buckle down and settle with it.
I'm an absent father and the unfinished stories are my kids. Kids that will never grow up because I don't nurture them; because I don't care about them, not really, not after 3 thousand words.
Would this be what shrinks would call my inability to mature? I can't finish a story because keeping it in it's infancies is a way for me to keep from growing up? I have officially ventured into territory I really don't much give a shit about. Where I'm from they're not issues with maturity and growth, they're called "You're a lazy bastard." And I'm pretty sure that I am. A lazy bastard, that is.
I'll use the same excuse I use with girls; I just haven't found the one I have completely and totally fallen in love with. The one I want to finish.
I am Memo's pile of deforestation stacked around the trash bin.
16:20 – I like saying "trash bin". I was reading back what I wrote after I wrote it and I noticed my use of "trash bin". It sounds so much better than trashcan. Trash bin makes so much more sense. A bin is a receptacle. A can is receptacle made of aluminum or tin. Most trash bins are made of plastic now.
16:24 – I burn incense at night while I sleep. I've had a compulsion since I started that I can't fight any more and it's to collect and keep the ash from the burnt stick in a jar. I'd like to say I know the reason why, but I don't. It's just something I can't help myself to do. Speaking of jars, I just remembered I used to keep an empty frozen jar in my freezer up in the dirty souf. I drank beer out of it. It was rebellious and awesome. And it's only rebelliousness was the fact that no one else I know did it. It was hipsterish before hipster was douchey. Now I'm just a douche bag that drinks out a jar. I really hate hipsters.
16:36 – I watched Across the Universe over the weekend. I can't remember if already mentioned this and I'm too lazy to go back and check. I just wanted to say that I thought it was brilliant. I love, loooooooooove Evan Rachel Wood [must insert images here when I get home and edit this]. I remember watching thirteen a few years ago and feeling guilty. Now I don't. That's all I have to say.
17:09 – I feel weird. I don't feel myself. I feel detached and odd and not fitting in. I never really fit in here at work, but that felt natural before. Up until a few months ago I didn't have to interact with anyone else, now I do. But today, more than ever, I feel like I'm not all there. This is pissing me off.
20091201
09:49 – I had me some Hooter's souvenir's to get rid of today. It's always
11:39 – Been a semi-busy day today. Had some things to do and talk about.
11:40 – Laredo, TX, my other home town, has come to GT to offer the largest land port the US has as the main land route for all of GT's and Central America's exports to the US. This should be good for both parties. Here's the news.
13:03 – No late fee for paying 12 hours late on my CC statement.
13:12 – Feeling nauseous. Weak. Like I'm not myself. Good thing it's almost lunch time to replenish.
15:21 – I learned something new today. It might be something old to most people, but it was something new to me. I use Office 2003 at my work place. I'm not updated. Point is, I was playing around with tab hiding for a report I'm working on, the thing is that in the process of using this I discovered an option in that same field called "Background". Curious, as I never am, I decided to click on it. What I discovered was wondrous.
This discovery has now opened new doors of workability for me. Not that I'm going to include images in my reports from now on, but I might add an image to my reporting for fun while I'm working and taking the depression out of the situation.
This has made me happy.
16:49 – Today was a very sporadic day. I really didn't have much to say. I pretty much used fillers so that I would have an entry for this day. It's almost over and time to go home. I just want to lie in bed and read or take a nap. I'm really tired. I blame my Hooter's souvenir and the drinking. I'll take a break from drinking for the next couple of weeks.
Let's see how long that shit actually lasts. :D
20091202
08:48 – A dude married his virtual girlfriend in
08:49 – Obama talked about the war in
09:30 – CNN Breaking News: Golfer Tiger Woods said today that he regrets "transgressions" that "let his family down."
Katt Williams says: "Women, you are at war with raggedy bitches. If you won't suck your man's dick, I know a raggedy bitch who will."
I say Tiger has just earned his ghetto stripes. Sorry for the pun.
10:16 – One of my teachers is applying to university. She's hoping to attend in the fall of 2010, which should help me out. Give me time to find someone else. She's a smart kid. She'll do well when she goes.
10:25 – She told me about one of her essay subjects. It sounded pretty cool:
The late-eighteenth-century popular philosopher and cultural critic George Lichtenberg wrote, "Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers, we outgrow acquaintances, libraries, principles, etc. . . . at times before they're worn out and at times - and this is worst of all - before we have new ones." Write an essay about something you have outgrown, perhaps before you had a replacement - a friend, a political philosophy, a favorite author, or anything that has had an influence on you. What, if anything, has taken its place?
It made me want to write an essay myself on the subject. I might still do it.
11:31 – I think I'm going to spend part of my trip money on buying me a Lord of the Rings and Star Wars box set. I think I really need them. Not want, neeeeeeeeeed.
12:11 –
12:12 – So my dad told me what he wants for Christmas. So did my sister. I love how my family works. Only my mom likes to be surprised, which, I suppose is normal. But I'd much rather tell people what I want and have them tell me what they want. It's so much easier.
12:39 – I love the random on my iPod. I had it on there and then Tool came on. I, of course, was inspired. Now I'm listening to Ænima. Definitely a top 20 album, maybe even top 10.
♪ This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Turn awaaaaaaaaaaaaay. ♫
12:43 – To outgrow.
We do outgrow most things. However, I find those things and people that we do not outgrow to be vastly more interesting.
A kid goes off to college. He grew up in a poor neighborhood. He grew up in a single-parent household. He struggled; his family struggled. He held a job from the time he was fourteen and ninety percent of his paycheck went to paying the house bills. Despite these things he maintained a good grade point average. He excelled in his SAT's and ACT's. He was a model student. This kid goes off to college.
His friends do not fare as well. One sells drugs to support his own drug habit. The other drinks too much and breaks into homes. They, too, grew up in a poor neighborhood. They, too, grew up in a single-parent household. They, too, struggled.
13:44 – Now, it is important to remember that this isn't an argument for or against nature and nurture and circumstances or lack there of. This, instead, is about how the kid who left for university and is a good student and a hard worker and a model citizen can come back and hang out with his old friends; the ones who didn't go to college and dealt drugs and went to jail and robbed.
The original dynamic states that you outgrow people, most notably those people have nothing in common with you. But why, then, do we cling so heartily to childhood friendships. Why do we protect them and defend them and, in some cases, justify them and excuse them?
I have little in common with my childhood friends. Of the three I consider to be my best friends one is rich, shallow, materialistic, ambitious and a doctor. The second is a bum, slow, care-free and has no profession. The last is hard working, serious, quiet, modest and finishing university now. Me, I'm lazy, procrastinating, creative and neurotic. They make no sense. Those combinations, I mean. But one can't help but wonder if precisely those differences aren't the ones that make us stick together. Do the combination of our flaws and strengths make us stick together? Is that the reason we cling to each other and do not outgrow ourselves?
We outgrow acquaintances and things and places because it is in our nature to evolve and change. As we grow and change so do our points of view and perspectives. And unless those things we hold dear or just hold grow and change with us then we shall be leaving them on the wayside of our lives. That is the reason why the phenomenon of never outgrowing friends intrigues me. With them it never matters how much you grow and change or how much they grow and change you will always come together despite your differences.
Admittedly there are contradictions to my argument. Cases where friendships ended and were never again mended. But then again, it could also be argued that those friendships grew apart not because of our or their personal growth but because of circumstances that forced the break. A friend sleeping with their significant others, violation is personal boundaries and/or codes, the ending of romantic relationships when the friends were involved. But never outgrowing or evolving away from it.
I know the question posed was not answered, but then again I really don't give much of a shit.
14:57 – Born again Christian at age 10? That makes about as much sense as me sticking my penis in a pencil sharpener. Don't tell anyone my penis fits in a pencil sharpener.
15:26 – Christmas is like the wool sweater of life. It's warm and warm and itchy and uncomfortable and sometimes you just want to rip it off and never see it again… until it's cold and then you pull it out once more and suffer through the same shit all over again.
I hate/love Christmas.
16:13 – I haven't had to do much lately. I want to punch a baby seal in the face. Ok, me rephrase, I want to high-five a baby seal in the face… with my fist closed. And then eat it. Do baby seals have fur? If they do I'll wear its fur like a trophy. A trophy of blood and skin and warmness.
16:31 – In a [fill in the blank]
Of light and fat free
With pickle, dilled, on the side
Is that sandwich for me?
A line or two of prose
What are those?
The baby seals sing and cry
To make my coat.
Amen.
16:38 – You know there's something wrong when I start rhyming about sandwiches, pickles and lines of prose for a baby seal coat.
17:12 – Time to bounce. late.
20091203
09:46 – The day started almost two hours ago. Nothing has happened worth mentioning. I just didn't want to leave this area blank for today.
09:55 – OK, I think I'll be more something or other about the Tiger Woods thing. TIGER CHEATED ON HER???
10:21 – Rain drops keep falling on my head,
If they were bullets I'd be surely deeeeeeead.
Shoot, up into the sky
And
Pop open an umbrella
And take cover under
The guy over theeeeeeeeeeere.
He's got boogers in his haaaaaaaaaaaair.
10:26 – Brian Williams had his 5 year anniversary as the anchor of NBC's Nightly News last night. He took over Tom Brokaw. Soon, Charlie Gibson will retire from World News on ABC. The last of the three known news anchors from the three major networks. I don't count FOX cause the fuckers always cancel shows I like and because I don't even think they have an evening news anchor. Despite all this, Jon Stewart is still the most trusted man in
I'm just sad that I can't watch The Daily Show [find and embed the Maziar Bahari interview] living here in
10:42 – I will now proof read my teacher's essay for her college application.
11:39 – Proofing and editing complete. Lots of mistakes. Mostly in the use of verb tenses and arrangement of sentences. I didn't change anything else. I have this bad tendency to want to change things to the way I write them and say them so that they make more sense to me. So unless they're in a book I always want to re-write crap. It's a bit douchey of me.
11:44 – Two days ago a friend of mine sent me a message on messenger while I was offline. His big news, that he's getting married. He gave his girl the ring on Sunday or Monday, I don't remember the day he told me.
I'm happy for the dude, but this is starting to get out of hand. Guys I never thought would get married or if they did would do so later in life are hitching their wagons to slavery. First Eddy and now Migue. I just hope he's not doing this because he feels it's like the next step he has to take or something. But if the kid is happy then I'm happy for him.
Now he just has to have the wedding in
So here's to Miguel Robles. Espero que la vieja esta te haga feliz, viejo. Y que el matrimonio sea en realidad lo que quieres.
12:13 – Hungry… gonna wait though, about 45 more minutes before i go down to get me some fooooooood. The question now becomes, what to get?
12:33 – This is how out of it I've been. I was going through my Google Reader feed and saw a digg story about Alyson Hannigan refusing to come back, even for a cameo, on a new Buffy movie that's being developed if Joss Whedon is not on board.
Ok so, THEY'RE DEVELOPING A NEW BUFFY MOVIE??? I remember I used to be a fan, seasons 1 through 4 were my time. I lost track after that, but not completely… I mean, I still knew what the crap was going on in the series. But a new movie? And one without Joss Whedon involved??? I swear this dude is like Phil Mickleson before he won a major. Just can't get a break (I miss you Firefly… I'll miss you Dollhouse, but not as much).
In this same story I read an assessment by Anthony Stewart Head that makes a lot, but a lot of sense, "Look it's no mystery why they're doing this. Vampires are hot and let's face it, Twilight is basically just a watered down Buffy rip-off so why not bring back the real deal and get rich. But I'm pretty sure nobody wants it. Not the fans, not the Buffy cast, and probably not Twilight fans who are too busy swooning over Edward to notice anything else."
So, please, let Buffy be. They had 7 beautiful years together. There are many marriages that can't say that.
14:42 – Placing my gigantic order for new things this December. I fear a pain in my wallet, but they're all going to be worth it.
14:59 – I can feel my wallet crying right now. It'll be OK, Rhonda. Daddy will make it all better.
15:00 – Metallica is coming to
My friend, Harold, couldn't believe they would have so many fans here. It perplexed me that he would wonder about that. I mean, they still are the equivalent of U2 for metal, even if we don't see it that way. That is almost verbatim what I told him. He proceeded to argue that they sold out. Not the concert but as artists, musicians.
This argument raised an interesting point. Isn't that what all artists, be them musicians or painters or writers, want? To sell out? You can cite a plethora of artists who claim not to have done so, but isn't the mere fact that they are charging you to hear them play a sell out?
I want you all to bear with me while I write all this venting down because I'm not going to follow any sort of rational order and it might seem like I'm jumping all over the place. And even though I know this is a running diary that I don't plan to post until Friday afternoon/Monday morning, my plan is not to come back and proof it, so what I write is what you get.
Having said that, there are many artists who claim artistic integrity; they accuse bands like Metallica and U2 of selling out. They accuse them of being frauds and losing sight of what they had originally intended to do. I've always thought that this argument is sour grapes. They're bands and artists that haven't been or weren't able to sell out themselves. There are maybe a handful of artists who actually, truly do it just for the music. But those are few and far between. Most of them just want to sell records and get famous and get laid.
No aging band reflects this more than the one we're talking about now, Metallica. They built a fan base and a reputation on the backs of fans and bootlegs. Kids who snuck in recorders to their concerts back in the day and passed tapes around, shared their music. Now they're the champions of the anti-piracy movement on the interwebs, effectively destroying the very first massive file sharing site.
A moment of silence for Napster, now.
Example number "b". Lily Allen. Every old example needs a new one to reflect the repetition of mistakes. This girl, who makes good music, has good songs, built a name through social networks, exclusively Myspace. She recorded demos and uploaded them and let anyone who wanted download them and share them. Until she got famous and started selling albums. Suddenly file sharing becomes a burden on the artists back. A pilfering of their bank accounts because people are doing exactly what they've always done with their music, downloaded it and shared it.
This is the very definition of the selling out argument. Those who don't sell out and mock those who do wax intellectual on the virtues of giving their music away and only caring about the art. Those who do sell out bitch and whine that the marketing tool they used to become popular to begin with is now biting them in the ass.
I could go on forever on this. I could go back and proof it and re-write and make this better and longer. But it's part of a running diary post. One that started at 3pm and is now 3:22pm. So I'll stop now before running the danger of sounding preachy and douchey. Oh, crap, too late. I already sound preachy here and I sounded douchey about three posts ago.
I am the Music Industries long and accusatory finger.
It is now 3:23pm.
16:07 – I don't know if I should feel ashamed or proud, but I managed to get to Adolf Hitler in five clicks playing the ? Degrees to Hitler game. I got there through William Speirs Bruce. Today's feature article was on him.
16:27 – This is something I've posted on before, but I just can't seem to escape it or get tired of complaining about it. It's the custom message in IM softwares like Google Talk or Windows Live Messenger. This is the latest one I've read so far:
God PLZZZZ make ME stronger :O( Now I´m just wondering, how it would be like (...)
I'm pretty sure God doesn't give to shits about it. That's one. And "b", the audacity of asking God to "PLZZZZ make ME…" no one else, just ME, stronger. WTFuck? It's bad enough that people pledge and express their undying love for some turd-stain I don't give half a fart for or complain about some shitty or unfortunate situation that I can't do a fucking thing about, but now they pray and plead with God to answer THEIR prayers and their prayers alone?
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!
It just makes me want to punch someone in the throat.
The hypocrisy of it all, of praying to God in times of need. I'm guilty of it, too, I don't escape the wrath of me in this either. I just find it especially disturbing the ego on these people.
FUCK!
14:42 – In the land of the blind the dude that sets up a walking stick stand is a millionaire. And I'm pretty sure he could dethrone that one-eyed bastard who declared himself king. Fucker.
17:08 – Bouncin' time. Late.
20091204
08:45 – The strangest thing I've heard so far this day, and it's only 8:45am. Apparently a friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend while he was working at the hospital and then while he was sleeping after his shift.
Women confuse me.
10:20 – My dad wants a pair of white Converse All-Stars low-tops. My dad. I get the feeling that he's starting to have some sort of mid-life crisis. But if this IS a mid-life crisis and it's involving him getting a pair of shoes he used to wear as a teenager instead of an expensive sports car then I think it's not going to be that bad.
11:15 – Slow update Friday. Not much going on.
13:13 – Dammit, I've been fed and now I'm not hungry anymore. Will probably not go to lunch and won't have a chance to read a bit. BOLLOCKS!
16:15 – Done, day is over. Late.
__________ Información de ESET NOD32 Antivirus, versión de la base de firmas de virus 4667 (20091207) __________
ESET NOD32 Antivirus ha comprobado este mensaje.
http://www.eset.com
Dragons not existing.
